So yesterday was the infamous St. Paddy's Day, a holiday cherished by all those who love to consume large amounts of green tinted beer, while acting a fool the entire time. This is our day, our one day to have an excuse for our behavior and holy shit we were not messing around this year!
I don't even know where to begin with this shit show. I'll try my best to recap a large majority of the day/night, but chunks of it are still blurry, even after looking at all the redic pics that have been posted. This year we thought we would be smart, by starting the drinking festivities later in the day and sticking to one bar, that way we wouldnt be SUCH a shit show. We were so wrong...
First off, the Comcast On Demand people were filming at the table next to ours, so of course Hatchback and Guacamole decided it would be a fantastic idea to film a spot for it. They tried to recruit me as well, but they were gonna have to come up with something a hell of a lot better than a free drink to get my face on a dating add for a month... I have been single for a year, pretty sure my face being on the On Demand Dating section would not help my case whatsoever. So I drank my green beer that I PAID for while watching my friends make assholes out of themselves... Nothing really out of the ordinary for us...
Once we left that bar to walk to bar #2 at oh about 11pm (We had been at bar #1 since 5pm) is when the real shit show began. Keep in mind that we consumed an entire 5 gallon bucket of green beer at bar #1... We decided to sit our asses down at the second bars patio to people watch, well thats where it all went downhill. I dont know if it was the angry, old doorman yelling at us so many times I walked my drunk ass over to the manager to complain about his rude employee (Its a good thing I can be articulate while intoxicated), or the impromptu Lady Gaga sing along with the gays on the patio (BTW saying "I just shit my pants" in the place of "bad romance" is genius), or Hatchback sobbing hysterically for no reason and getting us yelled at once again... I dont know which of these events was a bigger shit show... I just cannot decide.
Oh but of course it gets better... We then got sick of getting yelled at so we blew that Popsicle stand... To the pizza place... Where a strange Indian man decided he was infatuated with me, called me "Your Royal Highness", and I mean I know I'm pretty awesome and all, but things got weird reeeeeeal fast once he attempted to kiss me on the face... Yeeeeeeah, no. My friend Rickie, who is not macho at freakin all, decides to get in the guys face and tell him off... I dont know what was more amusing, the creeper or my friend all of a sudden having his balls drop in the pizza shop!? I cant make this shit up!
Then Guacamole decided to have a meltdown on the walk back to the car, at that point tho I was too concerned with the blisters forming on my feet to give therapy to anyone... Oy. We also managed to squeeze 6 people into a Saturn Ion and got back safely, without getting pulled over... Now thats skills people. Mad skills...
There were also smaller shit shows that happened throughout the night, like Pisstopher almost getting into a fight with a gang who was having a rap-off outside of the pizza joint, Lizard taking pics of my boobs in the bathroom of bar #1 which I may or may not have texted to someone, me walking into several doors/ corners throughout the night which resulted in several bruises today, seeing about 500 people I went to HS with (Yep, 10yrs later and still dont like them), Rickie attempting a karaoke rendition of "Copacabana" but being too drunk to read/sing so two people had to step in and take over while he swayed in the background, trying to keep some story about a sheep dog and a twin straight so that we wouldn't embarrass Hatchback in front of some guy (I was too drunk to follow the instructions), or me feeding my cat butter when I got home ... Did I miss anything? I'm sure I did, but its still a blur to me...
Moral of the story? We are just too fucking old for this shit... Seriously. Good thing we get to do it all over again next weekend... I think my liver just put in its two weeks...
For anyone who actually witnessed the hot mess that we were in person, I apologize... Kinda.
Quotes of the night:
"Just cos I'm gay doesn't mean I don't like camping! Quit stereotyping me!"- Guacamole
"All the midgets are hiding today"- Rickie
"Hey! Did he just take off with the disco stick?!"- Yours truly
"I'm not rich enough to make it rain in the club, but I'll make it hail with quarters!"-Guacamole
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